Fuhgh.

Things haven't changed much, but I hope they do soon. I can only deal with this for so long before my bones explode.

I am a terrible person, I have decided.

Some shit's going on right now and I honestly don't know what the outcome will be. I have been crying all day. I had no idea my eyes could be this puffy. There is talk of drifting apart and guilt for lost futures and causes of misery.

Breathe In Breathe Out

Things could be worse. There are homeless kids.

Superficial, Vapid.

I miss college for the ability to do almost nothing and feel accomplished. I miss the ability to be able to binge drink til 4am then go to class the next day at 1pm. I miss feeling a part of something, even if it was only a part of a student body with 60,000 other people. I miss being able to be a fuck up and it being okay because everyone around me was just a fuck up too.

Now... I work and feel unaccomplished because my job is not related to what I majored in college. I can't drink more than 2 beers without being drunk and fall asleep by 10pm. I am a part of nothing now. I can't afford to be a fuck up because I have actual responsibilities now. And everyone around me is still a fuck up because they're still in school and it's horrible because when I mention how pointless everything has become in my life, they say generic "It'll be okay" words and then ask if I want to get high and/or drunk.

Last minute thoughts

Here are some of the incoherent thoughts that occur to me when I am extremely tired (ie Right Now). They are directed at no one, nothing, and seem to be just random sentences that formulate right before I fall asleep.

That box makes you look fat.

Cheddar cheese on wheat, extra rye bread, please.

If ferrets were weasels, I'd wash them in Scope.

Thanks, i'll have the wrought iron surprise.

I need to go to bed now.

Talking

Feeling rather lost at the moment.

I'd like to talk to certain people but fear I'd just be a bother.
I do my best to not be a bother to people anymore. Otherwise bad things happen.

Childhood

My mom used to have this magnet on our fridge:



I remember it being on the fridge when we lived in Pennsylvania and California. I don't know where it is now.